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Wednesday, August 27, 2014

Yin Yang

I phagged out on jogging yesterday. It was too hot. My shoes were still wet. I had to go do that thing. My grandmother was sick. My dog ate my homework. I must have got the am vs pm thing wrong on my alarm clock. Art DeVaney said jogging is bad. I’m gonna start tomorrow I swear. Something was stuck up my rectum…again.

It’s becoming increasing obvious that I won’t be jogging.  I’m feeling too good to jog. Honestly my joints haven’t felt this good since I’ve been 12.  Why should I go out and embark upon a dismal, dour activity that destroys hips and knees. Have you ever seen a jogger that looks like he is enjoying himself? They all have this look on their faces like they are being sodomized for the first time…against their will.

Instead I did a Yin Yoga practice presented by this Jew broad.





She’s a little skinny for Rant’s liking. Rant likes plenty of junk in the trunk. In any event it was a pretty good hip and lower back opening practice. As I thought about things last night it occurred to me that it’s all about yin and yang. I already have the yang with my OPM workout 3 days a week. Toss in a few days of yin yoga and it rounds it all out.



As you all know Rant is never hurt or sick or anything like that. I haven’t been to an ortho since college ball and don’t even remember the last time I saw a doctor. Why would I? Those professionals are for people that don’t take proper care of their bodies.  That does not apply to me. One of the main reasons I am never hurt, besides using by brain when training, is that I have always stayed close to yoga in one form or another.  As I get older I realize it’s all about mobility. All these fitness gurus that scoff at yoga are the ones that end up with hip, knee and shoulder replacements. They are the kinds of assholes I end up seeing jogging in the pool for an hour at the YMCA.

Contrary to all the bullshit around here Rant is not fat. Not even close. When I talk about weight it’s a vanity thing like wanting to get a six pack not being 20 pounds overweight. I’m good and my diet is fine. What I’m really searching for is the yin. That was my moment of enlightenment last night. I think a good 3 months of yin yang via yin yoga and OPM and I’ll be golden.



Maybe I can then start charging for access to my site and holding seminars making up preposterous stories about what cavemen ate and how they “exercised”.  The other day I heard 2 fat chicks prattling on about paleo. You know a diet has jumped the shark when fat chicks are touting it. They were also taking about Crossfit, surprise, surprise. Listen. Fuck paleo and Crossfit. I know I whine about diet a lot but I do eat well. I eat what I like when I like and basically shoot for a style of eating that my Irish grandmothers advocated. They ate food, nothing processed.  Dinner at their house would be fish, chicken or read meat on special occasions, vegetables, brown bread and butter and of course potatoes. Once in a while she’d bake a pie or something. They drank water, shit loads of tea and milk and drop or two of the pure. They lived long lives and were always the same weight. They didn’t “workout”. They didn’t own sneakers and they didn’t wear short pants.


As for Crossfit… What else is there to say? It’s still basically a program for bored trophy wives and pencil necked stock brokers willing to shell out $200 a month to do calisthenics in an old warehouse.  It’s for douchebag wannabes that didn’t have the balls to man up when they had the opportunity to play rough sports or work rough jobs.  Ten years from now Crossfit will have gone the way of nautilus, jazzercise, vibrating belt machines, obesity soap, the Thigh Master, Tae Bow, The Gazelle, cardio glide, Bowflex,  Sweatin’ to the Oldies… ad nauseam.



127 comments:

Anonymous said...

Bingo !

Monty Humphries, Funkelheim DE said...

One thing to keep in mind about earlier generations and their eating habits, is that people back then were a lot more physically active because they had no choice. Not saying what they ate was unhealthy, just that it was taken in combination with almost unceasing movement and work.

Industrial food production is pumping poison into the plebes, and that is not any great news to people here. It is the plebe's fault for being so gullible and not reacting sanely to the changes in their health and appearance. I have this unshakeable feeling that there is a worldwide cull approaching, in fact, all four horseman are bearing down on the world (think ebola, famine, and war)

Reg Fondaley, Munksbutt MA said...

Are there any hot parts in that yoga vid? Maybe some camel toe or something? I don't have time to watch the entire vid right now and could use some help finding the fap points.

black as shit said...

I tried yin yoga once but only once. Fuck that shit unless you have a vagina. Almost tore my quad.

Anonymous said...

Hey fuckhead n e update??

Dan John said...

Fuck Dan John

Elie Weasel said...

I'd fuck her. Don't have the patience for a 34 minute video.

Ginger Yin, doing kharma porn... said...

Will you please yank my yang?

Ken from Kenya said...

NO one ever realizes their physique goals. All these trainers are selling you a pipe dream, and as long as we keep buying the latest ebook and latest diet trend, we thin we're taking the step to 4% body fat and ripped mussels.

Even the typical interent fitness expert looks like 20lbs of shit forced into a 5lb bag. Dan John, Lou Simmones, Steve Shafley, Jimmy Moore. If they cant do it, and they're the pro's, how can you with your 19 kids, 12 hiur days and 4000 cals a day eating system.

It can't be done. You've wasted your chance. The body beautiful ship has sailed. Welcome to life. You're welcome.

Anonymous said...

Exquisitely painful, but true, Ken, like a fecal bolus, forcefully denied it's natural point of egress (by a cork, 9-iron, or other foreign object), vaulting northward for freedom, only to find itself fudged anonymously among its brown brethren: one of the crowd; yes, one of us.

Cousin Marty, mayor of Boston and confirmed bachelor said...

Love Sweatin' to the Oldies. It's my jerkoff material

Anonymous said...

Rant bro n e update???

Gilbert Osprey, Danegelt PA said...

What about Mark Sisson or Art DeVaney?

Anonymous said...

Please commit suicide.

Cousin Marty, mayor of Boston and confirmed bachelor said...

Shaf is an internet fitness expert? That's the funniest thing I've read this month.

I hate to say this but my cousin John, gulp has more internet credibility...

Rant, you going running with the Dirt Diva today?


ruinchristmas said...

This is the worst fucking blog I have ever read in my life. At least cross fitters lift and the ones that take it seriously make you look like the biggest pussy on earth. Nobody cares what a bunch of potato eating Mics did back in the day. The Irish are Whores and Mongrels and blacks would move out of the neighborhoods they moved in. All Irish women are good for is pushing out pink screaming cretins and getting beat. Here is what everyone thinks of Mic fucks like you, http://www.rsdb.org/search?q=irish

Commit suicide!

Carol Costello, Aging Newsbabe, Moron, CNN Anchor said...

Yeah. What did you think about all those Irishmen looting Furgeson, Mo? I know they are Irish because they look like Notre Dame's football team.

Anonymous said...

nigga wat

Typical Irish Person said...

"looting"?! I thought you said "rooting"!!

fuknAngst said...


"Ten years from now Crossfit will have gone the way of nautilus, jazzercise,"

CrossShit will be here as long as (gl)Assman (or whoever) is paying dat $275,000 prize money. Dats a friggin lot of CrossShitting incentive.

Re paleo: An anthropologist's view:
http://www.nationalgeographic.com/foodfeatures/evolution-of-diet/
The author appeared a day or two ago on NPR with Leonard Lopate, can proly catch the interview on NPR.

Bottom line: the paleo diet these assholes claim existed did not exist. fuknHilarious....
And even if it did, the context is sooo TOH-tally fukn different, that it's irrelevant today.

More here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Paleolithic_diet
altho as usual, wiki gets some basic shit wrong.

"One of the main reasons I am never hurt, besides using by brain when training, is that I have always stayed close to yoga in one form or another. "

Dood, 10 rounds on a heavy bag is staying close to yoger?? Dood, you gotta at least start getting *consistent*. And anyway, yoger is its own hustle, basically a poor isometric.

"Why should I go out and embark upon a dismal, dour activity that destroys hips and knees. Have you ever seen a jogger that looks like he is enjoying himself?"

Dood, running a la the Cooper Rx (a cupla miles, cupla times/wk) is not going to destroy hips, knees.
Enjoyment? Dood, growtfu.

Oh, OH, sorry, I know, I should be smearing my feces in Rant's Sandbox with the rest of Rant's Down Syndromed urchins. Sorry...

Anonymous said...

Great post! Well done...

The Moynihan Institute Philanthropic Trust said...

This week's free offer!!

One head job for the first participant who can:

a) Prove that he has read and understood a fuknAngst post in its entirety;

b) Condenses it into 25 words or less.

Our lucky winner can redeem his prize at the Walsh residence.

fuknAngst said...


"Ten years from now Crossfit will have gone the way of nautilus..."

Nautilus should not have gone anywhere, as it was THE best designed, best built selectorized weight machines the market has ever seen.
Those were literally lifetime machines, might have to change a bearing once every 10 years.
With crazy Arthur Jones being mostly correct about most of his assertions in exercise physiology, on top of it all.

The fact that these machines DID manage to disappear just once again reaffirms that no one, on either side of the FitBiz industry, has a fukn clue about anything in fitness.

fukinPrancercize, translated into adult English said...

Prize money keeps crossfit popular.

Archeologist claims modern pale diet, inaccurate.

Nautilus was a well built machine.

Yoga is not boxing.

Run in moderation, you baby.

I don't seek Rant's approval.

Anonymous said...

Rant is a racist

Anonymous said...

my vagina itches constantly

Anonymous said...

have u tried lamolin?

Anonymous said...

Isn't that a yellow waxy substance secreted by the sebaceous glands of wool-bearing animals?

Anonymous said...

Well yeah. So what girl!

Anonymous said...

Does it work?

Anonymous said...

Dunno. But Rant had pruritis ani last year, and there were some sheep involved, one ways or the other.

Anonymous said...

Wow babe. Tru?

Anonymous said...

Why do you think Mrs Rant joined our knitting circle?

Anonymous said...

Well duh! - cuz she never learnt to crochet?

Anonymous said...

Just how dumb are you sweetheart?

Anonymous said...

Yeah well, maybe I'm ROOOOLY FRUCKIN STOOOOPID babe but at least Rant isn't scratching his HAIRY ASS NO MORE.

Anonymous said...

Sorry sweetie, stepped over the line.

fuknAngst said...


"Rant likes plenty of junk in the trunk."

Serena Williams breaks window on David Letterman... in spikes, no less.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9T_K-Xyc3no

Hey, Rant's got a chance. Serena has been known to go out with dorky blocky white boyz.
'course, Rant will have to add another 3 zero's to his yearly income. And mebbe another 3" to his appendage.

Anonymous said...

RANT BRO N E UPDATE

N


E


UPDATE

N said...

I

G said...

G

Dan John said...


Your buttocks are a canvas, Rant. And tonight I will be Jackson Pollock.

E said...

R

Franz Sperg, Cuckold Plains NE said...

Has anyone here ever banged a Jewish lady? They seem kind of bitchy to me and the media meme is that they are sexually neurotic. Still, they must have amazing pelts, which I value. Any genuine help will be much appreciated...

Yoni Babaloni, Athens GR said...

I got a bad feeling folks, I think that satanic sex midget over at C&P has been whispering in poor Rant's ear, and the dumb mick has skedaddled over to Syria to join ISIS!! What makes me think this are reports of a "blocky brigade" that is composed of semi-obese Westerners!! Please join me in prayer for our misbegotten host :( I fear he will return with even less "in the sac" than before this rancid catamite wormed his way into the Institute's core.

Rabbi Jacob Smegelman, 3rd Av e Orthodox Temple, NYC said...

Yoni, keep in mind that Rant is in fact part Muslim already. He met his wife in a hand-job tent in Pakistan, and has gradually converted over the years. The second circumcision her had? Part of the conversion process; well...actually an Iman was just kidding around but Rant took him seriously. Oi vey indeed.

Anonymous said...

Hey John.

Have you considered Hormone Replacement Therapy?

Chaz Bono, pegging Ellen with a giant strap-on said...

Or a penis pump?

Chaz Bono, pegging Ellen with a giant strap-on said...

Or a penis pump?

John Walsh said...

Stop it Rant. STOP IT. STOP IT. STOP IT.

Anonymous said...


Rant, I'm well beyond my prime - as a man, as a lover, as a father, and as a strength athlete; and my career is starting to wind down as well as I start to look towards retirement with a mixture of horror and relief. Could you offer some advice about how I should live out the twilight of my life, given that up until now I've been a total failure?

Be Like Rant And Win said...

Maybe you could have another child?

Mr J. Moore (name changed to protect the innocent) said...

My personal trainer says I'm going through an "exponential crisis". He says that's when you kinda don't wanna die and yet you kinda don't wanna live either, cuz you haven't quite figured out for yourself yet how to do either, neither or both. He says it's like being in the middle of a workout and not knowing whether to pick up a dumbbell or a kettlebell, and not having an expert like FuknAngst handy to advise you either way.

Seems to me though that liftin' iron's liftin' iron, just like life's life, so I subscribed to Mr C & P's online course and forgot altogether about my "exponential crisis" in a whole new world of butt pain. I've never felt so alive.

Mysterious flows and oozings said...

I started doing panzercise yesterday. Today I'm invading Poland.

Anonymous said...

Rant do us all a favor and end your life.

Anonymous said...

Rant please kill yourself.

Anonymous said...

rant bro n e suicide?

fuknAngst said...


Well, if you AssBurger Syndromed Mongoloids are done smearing your feces all over each other -- and might I suggest you let it dry, so's yer moms can just chip it off -- I'd like to comment on Rant's mis-characterization of some fads, w/ mebbe a li'l background.

CrossShit - well-discussed by now, basically exhibitionism fueled by a dangling $275K apple. (gl)Assman MUST be laughing his cirrhotic ass off.
Nautilus: some good shit that Rant apparently never got to use.

Jazzercise, TaeBo, Sweatin to the Oldies: Typical fare, iffin you don't mind bouncing around like a pingpong ball inside a shoebox.
BUT, Richard Simmons (Sweatin) is a Legitimate Deal, despite his caricatured self. Sweatin is actually well-tailored and suited to the older demographic, much better than figgin Tai Chi, imho. And Simmons never made ridiculous conman claims. He is, in his own right, an educator. His Deal-A-Meal was spot-on.

Vibrating Belt machines: in the passive-fitness genre, proly not too bad.

Thigh Master: A tremendous con, from the conwoman Suzanne Somers, who has tried to gain legitimacy with her alternative medicine advocacy. But once a conwoman, always a conwoman.

Gazelle: One of the biggest cons of all time, from one of the biggest conmen of all time, the abless Tony fuknLittle.
The Gazelle is actually classed as a CPM (continuous passive motion) machine, which he purloined from one of the hospitals after one of his many car crashes. It's fer burn victims and others coming back from the brink of death, not fer you'n'me.
But he sold millions to you dumbasses. I recently put one together - quite the education, experience.

Cardio Glide: One of the few legit machines around, popularized by Covert Bailey. A mildly inneresting demo: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cyieXntUyjg
Altho Covert got this right (and took heat for it), his main claim to fame, Fit OR Fat, was wrong, despite his MIT training -- for the want of a correct conjunction.

Bowflex: Watch those rods, you'll poke yer friggin eye out.
Middling and superfluous substitute for a real selectorized weight stack, and the infomercials vividly demonstrate what happens when muthafuckas don't unnerstand vector physics.
Kinda like Billy Blanks (Tae Bo) punching with a fukn rubber band attached from his wrist to his foot. Orthogonal forces, inyone?

The thing with fads is, bec Le Pubic is so friggin stupid, legitimate stuff is just as faddish as the illegitimate stuff. Le frigginPubic can't tell the fukn difference.

Study hard, you friggin Mongoloids. You will be tested.

Anonymous said...

Uh, She's Italian, genius. Minnestronni or something like that, go look at the Yogi Nora website.

Pavel Somers Glassman said...

I took the liberty of having FuknAss' comment translated into Zulu, the better - as I found - to understand it. It's pretty obvious he's onto something big.

Enjoy.


ویسے، آپ کو AssBurger Syndromed Mongoloids ایک دوسرے پر آپ کے تمام کے feces Smearing ہم ZIP ہیں - اور میں آپ کو یہ خشک، تو بایر ماں صرف اس سے دور چپ کر سکتے ہیں کرتے ہیں، ہو سکتا ہے - میں نے کچھ کے وارنٹ کی غلط خصوصیات پر تبصرہ کرنا چاہتے ہیں سے fads، mebbe ایک للبحوث پس منظر / W.

CrossShit -، اب کی طرف سے ایک بے ربط $ 275K ایپل کی طرف سے ایندھن، بنیادی طور پر exhibitionism اچھی طرح بات چیت کی. (GL) Assman ان cirrhotic گدی ہنس ہونا ضروری ہے.
میں Nautilus: بظاہر وارنٹی استعمال کرنے کبھی نہیں ملا ہے کہ کچھ اچھا گندگی.

بوڑھے کو Sweatin Jazzercise، TaeBo،: عام کرایہ، آپ کو ایک shoebox کے اندر ایک Pingpong کی گیند کی طرح کے ارد گرد شیخی کوئی اعتراض نہیں ہے iffin.
لیکن، رچرڈ سیمنس (Sweatin) اس caricatured خود کے باوجود، ایک جائز بات ہے. Sweatin اصل میں اچھی طرح سے موزوں اور بڑی عمر کی آبادی کے لئے مناسب، اور IMHO، figgin تائی چی سے بہت بہتر ہے. اور سیمنس مضحکہ خیز conman دعوی کبھی نہیں بنایا. انہوں نے کہا کہ اس کے اپنے حق، ایک معلم میں ہے. اس کا سودا ایک کھانے کی جگہ پر تھا.

بیلٹ مشینوں ہل: غیر فعال صحت انواع میں، proly بھی برا نہیں.

ران ماسٹر سے Inaya اس متبادل ادویات ایڈوکیسی کے ساتھ قانونی حیثیت حاصل ہے جو conwoman سوزین Somers، کی طرف سے ایک زبردست CON،. لیکن ایک conwoman، ہمیشہ ایک conwoman ایک بار.

غزال: ہر وقت کا سب سے بڑا conmen میں سے ایک سے ہر وقت کی سب سے بڑی قطرے کی ایک،، ٹونی fuknLittle مجزوب.
Gazelle کے اصل وہ اپنے دوسری کار مردوں سے ایک کے بعد ہسپتالوں میں سے ایک سے purloined جس میں ایک سر (مسلسل غیر فعال تحریک) مشین، کے طور پر قرار دیا ہے. یہ رائے دو واپس موت کے دہانے سے آنے والے متاثرین اور دوسروں کو جلا ہے، you'n'me FER نہیں.
لیکن وہ آپ dumbasses لاکھوں فروخت. میں نے حال ہی ایک ساتھ ایک ڈال -، تجربہ تعلیم چپ.

کارڈیو گلائیڈ کریں: خفیہ بیلی کی طرف سے مقبول کے ارد گرد the're Legit کی مشینیں، میں سے ایک. ایک mildly inneresting ڈیمو: https://www.youtube.com/watch؟v=cyieXntUyjg
Altho خفیہ بھائی امت کی تربیت کے باوجود، یہ حق ہے (اور اس کے لئے گرمی لیا) لیانگ، فٹ یا چربی، بھائی اہم دعوی، غلط تھا - ایک درست مل کر کے چاہتے ہیں کے لئے.

Bowflex: واچ prikin سلاخوں، آپ پرت friggin کی آنکھ باہر پرہار گا.
اوسط اور ضرورت سے زیادہ ایک حقیقی selectorized وزن اسٹیک کے لئے متبادل، اور vividly خدا muthafuckas نہیں unnerstand ویکٹر طبیعیات کرتے تو کیا ہوتا ہے کا مظاہرہ infomercials.
قسم ان کے پاؤں کے لئے ان کی کلائی سے منسلک ایک fukn ربڑ بینڈ کے ساتھ بلی خاموش (سے Tae بو) چھدرن طرح. عمودی فورسز، ہے نہ؟

سے fads کے ساتھ بات، BEC ناف پاگل تو friggin کی ہے، جائز ناجائز چیزیں سامان کے طور پر صرف کے طور پر جھککی ہے. frigginPubic fukn فرق نہیں بتا سکتا.

مشکل کا مطالعہ، آپ Mongoloids friggin کی. آپ ٹیسٹ کیا جائے گا.

Humpert Humpert Jr, Shaker Heights Il said...

That was actually helpful in distilling out the few meaningful bits. Still not worth reading, but now much faster to skim through.

TO me, the little comic gem in talksFrmazz's screed was when he was bagging on Tony Little!! Yah, that is the name on everyone's lips these days. I guess you have to scuk a cock on camera to be considered as worthy in talksFrmazz's world.

What a bizarre creature he is, appalling and odious in equal measure.

Blood-Filled Rectum said...

build me up buttercup

Billy (Firin') Blanks said...

I got translated into Zulu once. It made my dick so big that I had to enter it in The Biggest Loser.

Luckily, it happened to be Rant, so it was sort of like a homecoming for me, albeit creepy at our age.

Anonymous said...

Notice the kettlebell is absent from fukinPrancercize's latest screed. Perhaps because it is hardly a fad where it is most popular.

Toad said...

Zzzzzzzz.

Phil the Hasid said...

Could be Yogi Nora's married name. She sounds and looks like a yenta.

Anonymous said...

Wake up toady, you're driving this eighteen-wheeler.

Retard Ned, after watching Shane on TV said...

Come back, Grill, all is forgiven!!

Anonymous said...

Like Rant, Grill Vogel is John Walsh's bitch.

It's all a shell game folks, with RANT-GRILL-JOHN as the pea.

Mrs Rant contributes saganaki occasionally. Her delicious cooking proves that she is real.

(I was fingering myself while I wrote this.)

"FuknAngst" is John Walsh's pet name for magic ringpiece, which talks shit whenever he evacuates.

There.

Anonymous said...

If you want updates from Grill all you have to do is ask. I'll see if I can remember the blogspot password.

Toad said...

Zzzzzzzz [snort] Zzzzzzz...

Toad said...

Need ..... fresh ... material... to ridicule.....

Anonymous said...

http://celebs.answers.com/scandals/8-celebrities-who-survived-suicide-attempts?param4=ysa-us-demo-gut#slide=1

fuknAngst, on WHY fuknRANT CAIN'T fuknRUN.... with numbers'n'shit said...


Sorry, again, for disturbing your sandbox feces-smearing circlejerk, but I thought y'all (and mebbe Rant) might wanna know why fuknRant cain't fuknRun.
Well, the reason is -- and the perspicacious fagits amongst you have proly already guessed it -- is gheyball kettlebells... of course.

And the numbers behind all this are ackshooly perty inneresting and compelling, and I'll keep it as gradeschool as possible for the semilitirit mongoloids here.
When you run, the forces are on the order of 5 TIMES yer BW on EACH foot. Which translates to -- now go put on yer Mongoloid Feces-proof Thinking Caps -- TEN times yer bw, if simultaneously loaded. Iow, the foot strike in running is akin to doing toe-raises or slight kneebends with TEN TIMES yer BW on yer shoulders.

Now compare this to a gheyball swing of, say, 50 lbs. What forces are involved? Well, W=m(g+v^2/R), ie, the weight of the ball plus whatever centripetal acceleration the swing adds to the bottom arc -- and only for a brief part of the arc. So MAYBE the extended arm feels 50 plus 10-15 extree lbs.

Now, at what rate? 100 swings in 5 minutes or so in this fuknSinister bullshit?
Contrasted to running, where you are pounding the pavement 1,750 times with 5 times your bw, for each mile. So for a 1/2 hr run, that's about *5,000 strikes at somewhere between 750 and 1,000 lbs*, poss much more.
Vs. 100 gheyball swings at mebbe 60 lbs.

So this is the arithmetic of why fuknRant cain't fuknRun.
Now, I know this is 'waaaay beyond most of your collective reading comprehension, so mebbe if you go blow your foster dads, he'll let your foster Mom read this to you, mebbe help you out with some of the words.
There's actually quite a bit more, ito of muscle loading, load distribution, ROM, and other shit which helps explain gheyball swinging vs. running and why Rant cain't run, but y'all are proly already in a sandbox hissyfit by now.

Just a note on weight swinging:
Gheyball swinging reminds me of Leslie Sansone's revolutionary program "Walk away the pounds... and Abs" -- syntactically ilitirit as this is.
Her stunning accomplishment was to take walking, an already middling exercise, and further dilute it by... walking in place. jesus...
Yes indeedy.
In kind, Pavel came along with this dopey cannonball with a handle on it, and if that wadn't bad enough, instead of fukn LIFTING it like yer sposed to, he mindfucked you assholes into SWINGING it and believing gheyball swinging is THE Solution to Everything in Fitness... with you mongoloid dumbfucks then wondering why you cain't fuknRun.

To summarize: gayboi girevoys are *swinging* a fukn 50lb ball 100 times, mostly in bullshit isometric extension, and actually not even that for most of the swing.
Slow joggers are rising AND falling with 1,000 lb forces, 5,000 times in 1/2 hr.
fuknRant cain't fuknRun cuz he has snuckered hisself with gheyballs.

Oh, in lieu of running, Covert Bailey's CardioGlide, that Rant saw fit to slam, is an ok substitute for running, along with a few other things.

OK, y'all can resume your feces-smearing and circlejerking now.

fukinPrancercize said...

Lemme git dis strate. If a fukinDude runz he uses lots o force on hiz leggz. And if fukinDude runz more he gitz bettuh at it. Wow datz fukinAmazing!!!! N e moar lessons 4 2day, professah?

Anonymous said...

And here I was thinking that Rant can't run because he's old, fat, lazy and bereft of discipline. But he's actually been struggling manfully against the inexorable laws of the physical world!

TheScribe said...

botched late term circumcisions can make chaffing a real issue when it comes to distance running.

Anonymous said...

Mr fukinPrancercize - u r da man! N e fukin update?

Anonymous said...

brave boys keep their promises

Charles Chumpworth III said...

No one tell fukdNdazz about the secret place the real comments are posted to.

Colin Reeves, not his real name, obviously said...

you know abt that too? guess you know the secret handshake in case you meet a fellow institutista on one of jimmy moore's cruises as well, huh. ;-)

fukdNdazz, mercifully deceased, and chanelling through Mr Update said...

Why dudnt you circlejerking fagits like me? (Rhetorical)

Carmine Chevron said...

I'm not the kind to speak out about this kind of thing usually. But in this case I got no choice because I feel I must. Maybe the other brothers on the street can back me up on this one, or else be well awares. But this is how I believes it happened, and if I'm frightened, I'm still gonna lay it on the line for you good folks.

It's a story with lots of beauty and tragedy in it, and redemption too, if you're caring to looks for it. But mostly it's about a trick of mine, a one-balled ex-athaleet who called himself Rant and wanted the best tranny-fuck ever, and travelled down the great Mississippi o' his imagination in search for it, and met me, Tom Sawyer (though I wasn't obliging), and then rested himnself contentedfully in the mire of that very truckstop of assholes, Mr fukdNass, who moaned most gratefully for the privilege, and turning around, slapped himself most gleefully on his own buttocks, like they were some lure for the gigantic eel he'd always been dreaming of.


A. Pedant, compensating said...

er, its "ying yang" not yin yang, dick wipe!

Anonymous said...

no, it really is "yin yang", loser.

A. Pedant, trying too hard now said...

o right, so I spent 9 years getting my college degree just to take lectures from a know nothing liek you on the right spelling of ying yang?

i dont think so.

Cedric Cornflower, aesthete in training said...

I thought it was "wang dang doodle"?

Anonymous said...

RANT BRO

Anonymous said...

SO

Anonymous said...

MUCH

Anonymous said...

UPDATES

Anonymous said...

??

Greg Glassman, sober but high - well, it is friday LOL! said...

igx failed to make its donation target for the first time in its history. it should now be closed down.

the place was stale two years ago, now it's just a pathetic parody of itself. it never got the new blood it needed to keep going with the young kids now going places like reddit and twitter and shit.

threads on the training forum are now limited to discussion of the latest t nation article - last week it was dan john's piss poor effort, this week it's rippletoe's - and the less said about the so called "free speech" joint the better.

kill it shaf. the time's gone to go out gracefully. the important thing now is to just go out.

Anonymous said...

hey gang, you think Rant's dead?

Crispin St Lecroix, Andover MA said...

Death would be a gift from Santa Claus, compared to what our poor Rantworth is now enduring :( Evidently his financial acumen is on par with his training expertise, and the Walsh family has fallen on hard times, money wise. In addition to manning the family's hand-job kiosk, our pitiful chum has been reduced to working at a peg house in the Negro quarter. My sources tell me the poor fellow is barely able to walk after those savages are done with him.

Anyone who would like to contribute a little something in the way of donations, just send me a money order (or cash) and I will see that it goes towards rectal reconstructive surgery costs.

fuknAngst, futilely trying to save Rant from his blocky self said...


" And here I was thinking that Rant can't run because he's old, fat, lazy and bereft of discipline. But he's actually been struggling manfully against the inexorable laws of the physical world!"

Struggling manfully?? Proly not.
Like most of the mongoloids (albeit cute mongoloids) here, he just dudn't unnerstand sed unexcretable laws, and thusly just flails away - conceptually and physically. Like, well, the rest of Le Mindfucked Merkin Pubic.

And never mind run. fuknRant won't even kick his heavy bag. He'll give it a few sissy pokes now and then, but he'd rather do fuknYoger, and porno Yenta Yoger at that. jesus...

Running is Da Bomb. For a select spindly few, it's trivially easy, but for most, it is quite the wholebody workout.
Remember Cooper's Running Rx: just a few measly miles a week radically reduces all-cause mortality.
And remember who Cooper's test subjects were: thousands upon thousands upon thousands of military recruits.
And you don't have to run fast: let the jackrabbit fagit CrossShitters do their 6 min miles. 12 min miles are way more than a workout for most.
Pop Quiz, muthafuckas:
How many foot strikes is that, at what poundage? No peeking....
Answer:
In 1/2 hr of running (2.5 miles), dats 4,375 foot strikes, at 1,000+lbs, both up AND down.
Extree Credit:
How does dat compare with gheyball swings, mongoloid boyzngerlz? No cheating... and no feces-smearing during the test...

Bruce Wank, dusting his man cave while wearing frilly pink panties said...

fukdNdazz, I didn't know that D. B. Cooper also wrote a book about jogging. Probably came in handy, once he hit the ground...

Robert "Face" Plant, Bohunk UK said...

Here is a poem I wrote:

Dancing days are here again as the summer evenings grow
I got my flower, I got my power, I got a woman who knows.

I said it's alright. You know it's alright - I guess it's all in my heart

You'll be my only, my one and only. Is that the way it should start?

Crazy ways are evident, In the way that you're wearing your clothes
Sippin'' booze is precedent as the evening starts to glow.

I told your mamma I'd get you home but I didn't tell her I had no car
I saw a lion he was standing alone with a tadpole in a jar.

Dancing days are here again as the summer evening grows
You are my flower, you are my power
You are my woman who knows.

Rockie Masterson, Jerkens Point ND said...

Anyone here try nude bench pressing?

fukinPrancercize said...

Anyone who played sports at the high school level and beyond knows this. Practice for sport X was a speech, warmups, calisthenics, running, skills, strategy, more skills, get yelled at, run sprints, get lectured, hit the showers.

Barbells, dumbbells, Nautilus, cables, elastic bands, and after the year 2000 KETTLEBELL SWINGS are what you do in your spare time to get better at sport X.

If kettlebell swings were worthless nobody would do them. They do burn calories. People who are too old or fat to run can swing their way to a weight where they can start running.

However, if you are an elite fitness guru and an all knowing Adonis like fukinAngst, then kettlebells are a complete waste of time.

Fred Schneederman, not a jew, Ballsaburstin ID said...

Which one of you scrugs dumped a load in my daughter Junelle, and knocked her up?! God help you if a nigger snuck in there to do the dirty deed!! His will be done, and your nuts be mine, let it be written!!!

One thing I know, is that damn homo sex midget didn't do it, 'cause he's a fag and a half.

Qui Bono, Chaz's brother, sort of said...

Hey Fred, I think it was a German Shepherd dog that knocked up your daughter...if the youtube video is anything to go by...

Percival Quimby III, heir to the Quimby fortune said...

Speaking of youtube, I was watching some videos of Arabs getting swacked in Syria, and am pretty sure Mrs Rant was in a couple of videos, as a kind of hand-job nurse. Surreal indeed. Good fun though.

Herve Villechaize, playing the Kiddy Room in Purgatory said...

Hey, anyone remember me?

"boss, boss, the planes..and the twin towers!! Thank you, thank you, I will be here all week!!"

Candice Lily-Beth Krotchfrigga, Secretary, Moynihan Enterprises said...

There's a Jessica Alba on line 1 Mr Walsh. Wants to know you're sperm count because her boyfriend's shooting blanks. Says she wants some real "hard-ass semen". Should I tell her to fuck off because you're already getting more than you can handle on the home front, what with ABW moving in and all.

Rant's Mom said...

Ranty come back. My titties are ripe and plumpish and pleasant to the eye.

Dick Skinner said...

Rant. I like your blog enough to donate. If you decide to bleg, I'd pitch in 50 bucks to keep this place going.

Rant's Mom said...

Ranty come back. My womb is aching and barren and yearns to recapture the lost inner magic of you.

Anonymous said...

I'd donate 50 bucks to watch Rant being circumcized by a school of angry piranha.

Here's your update khuntz said...

No more jogging for Rant. Rant's new online fitness guru sez running defies the laws of physics. Noone really jogs anyhow. They just catch themselves just in time in the act of toppling flat on their faces with a fortuitous pattern of alternating their feet. Better forward topplers can do this really fast. These deluded cuntz call themselves sprinters.

Today, Rant's fitness needs are fully supplied by a mixture of prancercize and Richard Simmons supine pelvic thrust aerobics. Oh, and inserting my holobarre invention up my rectum rhythmically until a better offer comes along.

I feel great. I look great. I am great.

Update P.S. said...

Some cuntz out there in intenet land have been calling Rant a pussy and a gay freak. But they never say it to my face and never will. Generally they say it to the back of Rant's head when he's pinned face down on a mattress.

fuknAngst, who will put his mouth where his money is said...


"Anyone who played sports at the high school level and beyond knows this. Practice for sport X was a speech, warmups, calisthenics, running, skills, strategy, more skills, get yelled at, run sprints, get lectured, hit the showers.

Barbells, dumbbells, Nautilus, cables, elastic bands, and after the year 2000 KETTLEBELL SWINGS are what you do in your spare time to get better at sport X.

If kettlebell swings were worthless nobody would do them. They do burn calories. People who are too old or fat to run can swing their way to a weight where they can start running.

However, if you are an elite fitness guru and an all knowing Adonis like fukinAngst, then kettlebells are a complete waste of time."

Dood, I cain't even begin to count the errors (explicit AND implicit) in this snippet, altho this litany of errors is this bleat is well-disguised with butt another voice-of-reasoned timbre.

And, apparently, The Gheyball/Kettlebell Solution to Everything in Fitness is *not working* for Rant, eh? I mean, iffin what u r saying is true, shouldn't ole Rant be doing fukn10K's by now, at a 6 min/mi pace
So much for your Gheyball Solution to Running.

Next, whatever you might accomplish with a gheyball can be accomplished much more efficiently, versatilely (and cheaply) with a dumbbell.
This is apparently an unfathomable concept to gheyball koolaid drinkers, but hey, there it is. Proly cuz a 20lb kb is heavier than a 20lb db??

Next, I never said the gheyball swing was useless. It actually has some merit, about 5 min per week worth, and this is not meant as a snipe. A lot of what I do does not comprise even 1 min/wk, but it's still valuable stuff.
But not so valuable as to make it the fuknBASIS of a routine, ferchrissakes. Dats koolaid silly.
I think gheyball swinging is worth mebbe 1-10 mins/wk. But, dood, swing them (or better, a db), and then stfu about it. jesus....

You wanna run and can't? Walk with HeavyHands... but do the HeavyHands right. Or start jumping rope. Or even squats.
But swing a gheyball??? Jesus, what's in dat koolaid????

Btw, one could mount an inneresting argerment against my force-based gheybell vs. running ditty.
Iny idear of what this might be?
One word would capture the gist of this argerment.
If inyone comes up with this word, I'll pay for their bus ticket to NYC, and give them a free striptease right in the Port Authority bus terminal - to the beat of their choice.
If they can then explain how this word applies, I'll blow them anywhere u choose in NYC.
Valid only for an individual, not for a group.

fukinPrancercize said...

And there it is. fukinAngst finally reveals his goal. To strip tease and have gay sex with men he finds in comments sections of fitness blogs.

It's all there. His sexual behaviors have been warped by years of Internet pornography, chronic masterbation, and loneliness.

Rant, cast this pervert asunder before he brings the entire Institute down.

Sir Nigel Wankshaft, Sgt at Arms for the Institute Grand Council said...

Hear, hear!!

Dr Joachim Von Mendelbaum, Head of Psychiatric Studies at the Schrodenger Institute said...

Rant, have you ever considered going grain free for a month or so to see if your cognitive issues are alleviated? There is a ton of evidence that grain ingestion causes horrible problems, mentally, for a large number of people -- especially for individuals that are pre-disposed to mental illness.

Jared Douchemann, Mushroom Island, second bunk above George Shitake said...

Need to lose weight? Try a fish and salad leaves only diet for 3 weeks then get back to me. I've had success after success with this for years now.

The only problem is chronic flatulence. It goes get bad, I admit that, but you gotta do what you gotta do. Fish and leaves. Trust me.

Abe Vigoda said...

Yep. Still kicking. Avoid nightshades and gluten.LOL

Rant's update said...

Prancercize day 2. Rant hasn't been so buttsore since his first day in the orphanage. Anyone who says that prancercize isn't real exercise has never lived in an orphanage. Or maybe they just weren't as popular as Rant.

Devil's Advocate said...

I think that funAngst's problem is that he expresses himself in a way that is apt to be misunderstood.

What he seems to be saying is that overall, anonymous gay sex is a better exercise than kettlebell training - especially if you're running late and have to jog to the bus stop.

Well this may sound controversial, but maybe he's right, and I'm prepared to defer to fuknAngst's matchless expertise in this area. Nevertheless, I won't be giving up my kettlebells any time soon.

Anonymous said...

talking about yoga without addressing the chakra issue is futile. you can hit as many warrior II poses or sun salutation B while rocking a cruel Supta Trivikramasana, but ignoring your 3rd eye energy wont get you anywhere.

just ask Jimmy Moore if u dont believe me.

Cliff Nuts, thankful someone else is willing to wade into the fukdNazz sewer said...

DA, you have answered the "what" (regarding our resident catamite), have you similar insights into the "why"?

DA said...

Cliff, it's years since I've ventured into the darker corridors of abnormal psychology. And fuknAngst represents a unique challenge. But - to hazard a guess, and without wanting to misrepresent him in any way - I'd say that he has a religious motivation, namely, that "it's better to receive than to give". Finding it to his liking, he's now actively seeking converts who believe, on the other hand, that it's better to give than to receive.

Anonymous said...

the longer he's away, the less I miss him, and the more I hope he's dead

That's Mr. Anonymous to you said...

+1

Toad said...

You phagged out on posting new entries for this blog, dumbass.

fuknAngst, DESPERATELY tryna save Rant... from hisself said...


Part II of Why Rant Can't Run:

Dood, Idk what kind of effort you gave running, but first efforts can be VERY discouraging, on the order of not being able to run even 1 city block. Frank Shorter said that after a hiatus of any length from marathoning, he would not be able to run 1/4 mile.

Tremendous aches, pains, stiffness can occur after initial outings -- heh, those 1,000lb footstrikes... lol
The key is, even if you only managed 1 city block, keep at it, and in relatively short order, proly a month, you should be up to a near-continuous 1/2-1 mile. And nuthin at all wrong with run/walk, run/walk.

To the issue of overall effectiveness of a fitness routine, eg gheyballs and other stuff.
The Q you should ask is this:
Taking trad'l weight lifting and running as a "fitness reference standard", how do other routines compare, ito raw calorie burn, muscle fibre recruitment/hypertrophy?

The reference std could be 3 days lifting, 2 days running, or 2,3, or 2,2, whatever.
If you compare virtually ANY alternative routines, esp. the coccamammy "hybrid protocols" (like kb's, Insanity, Pilates, even the venerable HeavyHands), which try to merge the aerobic with the resistive, ALL fall FAR short of the lifting/running std ito both total calorie burn AND body-wide strength-building - all of them.
Which is not to say you shouldn't DO some of these alternatives, but in a calorie-to-calorie, muscle fibre-to-fibre shootout, they lose big-time.

I actually cal'd out the calorie burn of P90X... dismal, a FRACTION of what you would burn running.
Ditto, almost certainly, Insanity and all the rest.
And compared to, say, a Drew Baye-type HIT resistive workout, these programs will deliver a fraction of true HIT hypertrophy.

Most of what looks cool on youtube/TV really isn't optimally efficient or effective - it LOOKS impressive, and dats why dat shit is on youtube, with mega-hits.
The really effective, efficient exercise is visually unimpressive, and therefore not at all *marketable*.
OR the youtube stuff is so fantastical as to be irrelevant. Frank Medrano, the BarStarzz et al come to mind. Not dissing them, just saying that what THEY do, and what is practical for you'n'me are TOH-tally different, night'n'day.

So dats why you are now SWINGING a fuknGheyball, instead of *intelligently* addressing (and recruiting) ALL of your muscle fibres, both aerobically and resistively - ie, lifting a barbell/dumbbell over yer head, and running.

Don't take fuknAngst's word for it. Learn how to do the calcs, make the fibre-to-fibre comparisons. It's not rocket science.
Poss. the only real challenge to trad'l weightlifting ito hypertrophic efficiency is dynamic isometrics. And if anything is UN-marketable, dat is. Watching isometrics is like watching grass grow.

KB's, P90X, all the rest aren't BAD, per se -- they are just highly (and deliberately) misrepresented. With The Hoardes gulping down dat KoolAid like Bogart in Sahara.

In a nutshell, KB's, P90X et al are to running/lifting as for-profit colleges (ITT tech, Phoenix) are to a good city/state university.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_for-profit_universities_and_colleges
Who are now ripping off our returning Vets. figgers.

fuknAngst, STILL tryna save Rant said...


Oh, minor correction:

HeavyHands IS in fact a mega-calorie burner, and, if one is not going to lift weights, it's perty good for muscle conditioning/toning.
But difficult to realize true hypertrophy with HH. But done correckly, it DOES pump you up!
And HH is *neuromuscularly* valuable, if done correckly, good for boxers.

Note that HH running will not nec. burn more cals than running alone, altho it might if you are limited in your legs.
What it does do is better *distribute* the cal burn among more muscles.
Otoh, HH *walking* WILL burn more cals than walking alone.
Schwartz didn't quite get the VO2 thing right with HH, but he was well intentioned, and his 1982 book HH is a very good useful read.

Still and all, plain ole lifting and running is overall far more effective than HH alone. But, if u r going to do only ONE activity, HH is a very good hedge.

AND, god help me, one could almost say the same thing about the KB swing, ito doing only ONE activity. It is a "fair" cal burner (dep'g on how one actually swings them, the cadence, wt, etc), but basically a half-assed version of either the aerobic or resistive.
But, if for some reason that was the ONLY thing you could do, it would still put you way ahead of the fitness game -- in a dopey sort of way.